Saturday, October 2, 2010

a short thunder clap of current rivers

1. great films are a targeted lure that pull out of life a thousand fragments of experience
into understanding
and great poems, or prose,
or Meryl's face and pause,

2. San Diego is aswarm with culture. like no place I've lived and noticed.

3. I have a sense of guilt for my community. that i have too many A+'s and not enough D's. then I wonder if charity friendship is friendship at all, as opposed to friendship built on shared delight, interest, and journey. then I wonder what love looks like. seflessness. is it active dips into someone's life in a time of need, or a long term discipleship, or a long term tolerance of insanity in the hopes that steadfast love would... it's a... well...

4. I take people to Africa and show them things, without understanding them myself. Africa or the things or the people I'm taking. how humbling. and then we have the white house expecting us to be the experts. maybe, because we care, we are the experts. because experts care about things. and no one else really cares. really. and the things that need experts. but the experts.

5. Do people ever work out to be simply fit. only fit. in shape. capable. strong. without the quilted-in desire to be attractive. or better than.

6. A commitment to truth above a commitment to tradition or what I've been taught produces a renewed sense of adventure in scripture, understanding G-d, theology, the Christianity of Paul, Jesus, Aquinas, and America, Gibran, Emerson, Lewis, Merton.

7. Jack of many trades master of one. I have intentions. But what does it mean to be a master? Public recognition? The recognition of those inner thrones of proximity and intimacy that I respect?

8. Does anyone actually believe in Christ as the evangelicals teach here in America? Actually live like plain-read-American-understood scripture? Does anyone actually believe that the bible is God's word? His one and truest revelation to our species? If we did, would we not feverishly read it?? does anyone actually believe that those who do not profess Christ in their hearts will spend eternity in hell? Everlasting fire. Eternal damnation for 70 years of selfish understandable mistakes? If they did, would we not crawl across burning coals every day for just one to be saved? ...or are we so selfish that we do believe, and still do so little. what if what if what if what if what if what if...

9. What does it mean to be holy? to be righteous? what does that look like? and does it include humor?

10. i think alot about questions. fewer answers.

11. i think i like visiting more than being visited. but barely.

12. i find myself to be beautiful and ugly at the same time. what a wonderful tension. it has more power over me than i realize.

2 comments:

abby jenkins said...

WOW, you just answered a question that I was going to ask you this weekend about something that I am struggling with....,divine intervention.
Hurry.

tigerlily said...

3. oh, paul. you seem stretched and maybe ?glorified. you see with His eyes. i think that's another reason why, when you look into people and press on their untouched insides [aching for acknowledgment] it awakens a need---that you alone cannot satisfy. but the Life, the Light in you for sure for sure can. thanks for being such a selfless warrior. rest and peace and sight of/for you, too.

4./6./7. agreed, experts do care. but i like your word of 'master' better. sounds less like an assertion of knowledge, more like a state of being. if you're a master of/at something it's because you've done it day in day out, made all the mistakes, worked out all the kinks, and listened to others who went before you. ha. this should be applied to the Bible. gone over and over and over again. know nuance, grasp discrepancy, wonder, work, climb, slide, submit, submit, climb again.

5. i work out [ie do a half an hour of yoga every once in a while] to just be fit. i diet for the other reason. :/

8. agh. i know, idk. read my proverbs post.

9. yes on humor. G-d makes me laugh [at myself] all the time.
also, i've often wondered if Jeshua wasn't a comedian-type personality? i mean, it would make sense, right? he's obviously got a knack for irony. he makes fun of people even when their standing right in front of him. and they don't get it, until it's too late. haha. and he wouldn't draw crowds for days at a time if he were dull and boring, right??

12. ditto. and then i feel stupid for feeling beautiful and disappointed in myself for feeling ugly. [both aesthetically and internally.]